I happened to catch Oprah's show yesterday and it caught my attention completely. The show was about "beauty secrets from around the world" and featured tidbits of what different things women around the globe would do to achieve "beauty" in their own cultural standards.
The most disturbing part was how they spotlighted the plastic surgery boom in China and the Asian fascination with the western-looking eyelids...and I thought: "Oh, God...I am one of those people."
The horrible truth is, I've long been displeased with my Asian lids and have contemplated(many times) plastic surgery to "fix" this problem...until I saw the show.
The packed waiting rooms, the beehive of people filing into the operating rooms to get the same eyelids that I've dreamt of since I was little...something was gnawing my insides, I felt I had become a plastic toy even though I've never done anything plastic, but even the mere thought of it--the mere desire of it made me feel ashamed.
Could I proudly say I'm completely satisfied with myself? No. I still feel the sting of insecurities, but I'm willing to face who I am and I'm willing to deal with all the doubts. I never want to slide further and further down the vanity road and wake up one day with my face forever frozen in Botox, and I never want to take the unhealthy path in order to look a certain way.
Sure, there are some days when I'd look in the mirror and I'd say: "Crap, I'm going back to bed."
There are some days when I'd hear someone whisper:"Look at her..." and I'd feel ants crawling up my pants and I'd wish I had a cardboard box with a smiley face drawn on the front covering my head so I could walk by without letting them see my face twitch under the pressure.
Then there are the days when everything goes right and nothing about my outer shell bothers me. I'd appreciate the little unique details and would discover, in surprise, that my body jiggles less and I'd congratulate myself on a job well done.
There are the days when I'd put on a pair of heels and just walk around the house and I'd grab a bottle of Sunlight and would say with all the seriousness in the world: "I'd like to thank the Academy for giving me this Oscar..."
Oprah's show really made a good point: "Beauty is unique."
Beauty is being comfortable in your own skin, being content with your physical, emotional and spiritual self. Could I say I've truly seen the glow of that holy realm? No, I'm still a work in progress; I'm still dragging my feet out of the well of insecurities and dodging the storm of media-driven garbage and hopefully one day, I'd taste the sweetness of true self-acceptance.
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M&M Says:
it's true, confidence is all about being comfortable with who you are. I've met ppl that are not pretty, but they are so comfortable with who they are, that they shine!! seriously, i feel like im bathed under sunlight when im around these ppl and i can totally understand why ppl like them. There are all these other ppl, they just don't feel good about themselves and i can feel it, it doesn't matter how many surgeries they go through. doesn't change a thing. and i don't like how plastic surgeries make all asians look the same. It's so difficult to distinguish korean actresses /singers.
Posted on March 4, 2010 at 7:54 PM
Sisi Says:
yea...i noe exactly wat u're saying...
everybody looks like a combo of everybody else heh
Posted on March 5, 2010 at 12:02 AM